Sun 28 Aug 2005
For those of you who know we left our former church several months ago, I just wanted to say that we have finally found a church. Happily, instead of feeling like the compromise situation which we feared, it feels like home. I have actually had real conversations with women at church. I was so weary of ,”Oh, that is a pretty color.” This morning we stayed almost an hour after church fellowshipping and we have noticed many families do that every week. It has taken us 3 years in Alabama to get to this place. One of the reasons we have such a hard time finding a church is that we like high standards but we hate true legalism. Have you ever been in a church of pretenders? That is a recipe for disaster. If you remember by Gothard Files you will know that we have watched quite a few families implode after pretending for years to be perfect.
I have found most families to be a mixed bag of standards and very often it is hard to figure out why a family doesn’t do one thing but does do another. I know from the outside that is how our family looks.
Have you ever met a family that didn’t let their daughters go to college but then let them wear seductive clothing to church?
Or a family who doesn’t like Christian music but is Ok with secular?
Or a family who hates secular music but loves Christian rap?
I know a person who loves Christian rap but thinks John Newton is rolling over in his grave listening to Todd Agnew sing Amazing Grace.
There are people very careful about what they eat but not worried at all about what they watch and visa versa.
Mothers that breastfeed and send their children to public school?
There really is no end to these sorts of questions and so we head over to 1 Cor 10 and 13 and hope that the law of love helps us to see past all of each others’ inconsistencies, and that we remain teachable. By the way, one of those categories above applies to our family.
Do you have a funny standard that looks inconsistent to the outsider? ‘Fess up if you dare!
PS Laura, next up Lord willing nature study & nature notebooks.
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Yes, I am sure that my family falls into one of the categories of inconsistency you describe. One that intrigues me is the family that allows daughters to have pierced ears but is strict in all other sense of dress.
Comment by Dana (August 28, 2005 @ 7:42 pm )
I’m sure we have a lot of inconsistencies depending on who is looking. We have our blindspots, but then if I knew what they were, they wouldn’t be blindspots. I know we have friends who think we are zealous because we have 6 children, home school, honor daddy as head, protect our children from peer dependence, and yet we dare to read fairy tales with witches, goblins and fairies. I know Christians with children in public school who are practically book burners and petition school boards for exemptions so their children don’t have to read _The Scarlet Letter_ or _Brave New World_ in high school. I wouldn’t dream of not assigning _Brave New World_. It’s not a fun read by any means and yet helpful for a young adult preparing to face a sinful world.
Comment by Sandy (August 28, 2005 @ 8:44 pm )
And then I had a fundamental Baptist friend who though we were wonderful…but it really bothered her that Kaitlin and I didn’t wear dresses all the time.
And then we had Church of Christ friends who found us like-minded in every way and enjoyed our fellowship (even more than they enjoyed other CoCs)…except we thought that the elect couldn’t lose their salvation.
Comment by Sandy (August 28, 2005 @ 8:48 pm )
Oh I hear ya on the church thing! It took us 3 years in our last town (Podunk, Arkansas LOL), and we never did find one. Praise the Lord He moved us OUTTA THERE!!!!!!!
Anyway!
A friend of mine commented once that “You’re so conservative in so many areas, I just can’t believe you listen to contemporary Christian music!” The same friend knows how anti-feminist and pro-submission I am, yet she can’t believe (and got mad actually) that I don’t love Debi Pearl’s Created To Be His Help Meet.
Comment by Keer (August 28, 2005 @ 10:32 pm )
I’ve talked about this alot with a friend. We call ourselves “California Conservative” christians. We are conservative in certain areas but are casual in others. It’s kind of hard to explain.
Example-we’ve visited a small country church several times where we like the fact that the girls dress modestly, courtship is encouraged, the families homeschool, there are lots of children, the women don’t work outside the home, etc.
On the other hand, we don’t fit in because we are not hymns only (love contemporary worship music!), not dresses only, not KJV only, and see movies that the other families wouldn’t dream of seeing-Lord of the Rings and Star Wars are two examples.
Comment by Joanna (August 28, 2005 @ 10:39 pm )
“A mixed bag of standards” Yes, it’s probably true. In the area of music We listen to some Christian and some secular and even some country but no rap, Christian or secular. It’s hard to think of my inconsistent standards they seem so… consistent to me. I can think of a number that other people have however. I’m sure that’s not a good. I need love (Cor. 10-13) in my life. God help me.
Comment by Lis (August 29, 2005 @ 12:11 pm )
Oh boy, here comes the queen of inconsistency. Maybe it’s not really inconsistency ~ just change and hopefully growth. I think I’ve just (dare I say) matured from a person who thinks everybody has to agree on the same things to be a “Christian”. Of course, there ARE things that must be believed in order to be a Christian; but I’m speaking of things like wearing dresses, headcoverings, listening (or not listening) to Christian “rock”, listening to (or not listening to) “secular” music, watching certain movies, hymns only, psalms only, KJV only, having as many children as the Lord sends, breastfeeding, and yes, EVEN homeschooling! Just for the record, I am expecting my ninth child, have breastfed all my children for at least 2 years each, homeschool, attend an exclusive-psalmody church, ad infintum. I am trying, by God’s grace, to learn not to say, like the publican, “Thank God I’m not like THOSE OTHER people.” I’m learning that things take time, and people will not always reach the same conclusions. There are things that the Bible does not leave open to us, and I realize that; but we all need to realize that there ARE things that we must discuss and pray about with our OWN husbands and come to a conclusion. I have Christian lady friends who “work” outside the home. (There children are older.) While I don’t believe I’d do the same, I understand why they made the decisions they did. I have friends with just a few children. We have eight (soon nine) but I cannot judge them for their choices. My eldest daughter (18) just started at a community college today!! (gasp!) Ten years ago I wouldn’t have spoken to a person like me who dared to send her daughter off to college! Yes, yes, I would have loved for her to stay home and bake, cook, sew, quilt, etc, but that just wasn’t her thing. Actually, neither is it mine. She is pursuing a music degree and hopes to teach violin and possibly piano. That’s life, and I’m learning that life sometimes trumps idealism. That, too, is by the grace of God.
Sorry about the sermon. You caught me at just the right time and on the right subject. And I know I’ll probably be chided or disagreed with by some, but that’s OK.
Oh, Cindy, by the way, I am SO happy you’ve found a wonderful church home! Let me know about it sometime!
Comment by Linda (August 29, 2005 @ 12:15 pm )
Legalism
Meanwhile, Cindy at Dominion Family shares how it has been hard for her family to find a church because they have high standards but hate true legalism.
I have found most families to be a mixed bag of standards and very often it is hard to figure ou…
Trackback by Keer "Unplugged" (August 29, 2005 @ 11:35 pm )
I’m so happy you’ve found a church! We, too, stay and talk for around an hour after church each week. We actually do it after both services, because there are so many people to talk with and we enjoy each other’s company. This past Lord’s Day I was thinking how blessed we are and that it is a foretaste of Heaven.
I have learned that no matter what we do, we can’t please everyone, so I try to live my life before God and not man. Of course that’s easier said than done and I do sometimes worry about what people think, especially after our oldest son dyed his hair blonde. He had been asking for two years and my husband always said we should choose our battles. . .
Comment by Jeannine (August 30, 2005 @ 7:31 am )